The Gospel and Spanking Little Children

I absolutely hate to spank my children. I have three little girls. They are so tiny and so precious and so little. And they can be so bad. That being said, I find no joy in spanking them. Not one bit. Sure, we can talk about how, ultimately, we find joy in the words of our Lord and we trust Him and have faith in Him that it is good when He says (a paraphrase), "He who spares the rod hates his son." I think I understand that concept. I think I understand that all things work together for the good for those that love God and are the called according to His purpose. That being said, I won't be smiling with glee if my wife is diagnosed with cancer. There is sorrow in our rejoicing or it isn't gospel-driven rejoicing. Sin sucks. The curse sucks. Death sucks. Suffering sucks. Period.

I have been thinking of this all night and this morning because I had to give Sofia a spank last night. I can be honest with you and, if you want, you can call me soft. It broke my heart. Later, I took her aside and I loved on her and kissed her little face. I told her, "honey, I love you so much. I hate to spank you. But we will not let you be bad and throw fits." She hugged me back. And she pats my back with her little hand! That breaks my heart!

It takes faith to spank your children, to take God at His word regarding that subject. But it is right. Our problems with it come from a faulty view of God and ourselves and our children, not from God (as if He may or may not be correct). The alternatives to me are just too risky. And I'm not willing to gamble with my children's souls. Think about it. If I tell my girls, "you will not go out in the street," I will spank them if they do. Why? Because I'd much rather they feel a brief but serious sting on their bottom from their daddy who loves them, than to be crushed by a car. Kids don't fear your raised voice enough and they certainly don't fear a time out or a corner-stand like they do your hand. God disciplines those whom He loves and, sometimes, He does so severely. There is a sting in spanking that is godly and biblical. Sure there are times when other things are appropriate and a spanking is not warranted. But, for open rebellion, e.g., "I said 'no' and you did it anyway," there will always be a spank. They cannot grow up believing there are not serious consequences for rebelling against God. And remember, dad, it is God's law they are breaking when they break yours. Spanking is about your child and God, not your anger or embarrassment. And, after a spank in our home, there will always be a kiss and a cuddle and a hug. "The punishment is over, I still love you, we are not estranged. Please don't do it again."

I read this below from John Piper this morning. Yes, I read John Piper a lot. Yes, I will post stuff on here from him. A lot. There are worse things, brothers and sisters. So, I hope this helps and sheds light on this subject.

And to Bella, Sofia, and Gianna, I love you with all of my heart. I pray every morning that I would not be too harsh or too strict with you, that I would bring you up in the fear and instruction of the Lord, and that nothing I do would turn you off to the Gospel. Daddy is a sinner; he needs a lot more spanks than you do. And I hope God keeps my heart so that I don't ruin yours. I love you, little lambs.

Would Jesus spank a child?

By John Piper
February 16, 2009

The following is an edited transcript of the audio.

Would Jesus spank a child? If so, where would you point someone biblically who can't imagine him doing this?

If Jesus were married and had children, I think he would have spanked the children.

The place that I would go to help a person see that he would, when they can't imagine that he would, is Matthew 5 where he said, "Not a jot nor a tittle will pass away from the Law until all is accomplished." In other words, all the Law and the Prophets stand until they're done. And the Law says, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." That's a paraphrase. The book of Proverbs says, "If you withhold the rod, you hate your son." Jesus believed the Bible, and he would have done it.

Now, that does not address the heart of the issue. The heart of the issue is: Why does this person feel this way? What worldview inclines a person to think that you shouldn't spank a child? Where does that come from?

Well it comes straight out of this culture, I think. There's a sign that used to be on the side of the 35W bridge, on the right as you go north. And the sign simply said this: "Never, never, never, never, never hurt a child." That's all it said! And spanking is equated with hurting children. It's against the law in Sweden to spank a child. And it's against the law, I think, in some states in America. I'm not sure.

Well, I will go to jail over that issue! Talitha is to the point where I don't think in terms of spanking my 13-year-old daughter anymore. But I did when she was little.

I could give a whole theology of spanking here, but maybe I'll just boil it down. Why does this person feel squeamish about spanking? My guess is that it is a wrong view of God.

Deep down, does this person believe that God brings pain into our lives? Because Hebrews 12:6 makes the direct connection: God disciplines every son whom he loves, and spanks everyone that he delights in (my paraphrase). And the point there is suffering. God brings sufferings into our lives, and the writer of the Hebrews connects it to the parenting of God of his children.

This is a wrong view of God! God uses suffering to discipline his children. So do we.

Now, you don't damage a child. You don't give him a black eye or break his arm. Children have little fat bottoms so that they can be whopped.

When my sons were three and four years old, at their worst stages, drawing with orange crayons on the wall, they knew what was going to happen. So one day, just to give you an illustration of how this works emotionally, I found an orange mark on the wall in the hall upstairs from a crayon. Just about Barnabas' height. And he's three or four.

So I get Barnabas. I say, "Come here Barnabas. Did you make that mark on the wall."

"Yes." At least he's honest.

I said, "We have a rule against that. You know you cannot draw on the wall with your crayons. You're old enough to know that."

"Yes."

"So what should happen?"

"A spanking."

I said, "That's right." So I take him in the room, and whop! And he cries easy, so he cries. And when he's done crying, there's a big hug. And I say, "Don't do that again, OK? Daddy loves you and we don't mark on the wall, OK?"

Three minutes later he is bouncing off the walls, happy happy happy.

Now if I had said to him, "You go into your room and you sit there and you stay there until you feel appropriately guilty, and then we'll see if you come out and do the right thing," what a wicked way to punish a child!

Spanking is so clean! It's so quick! It's so relieving! A kid feels like he has done atonement and he is out of there and happy.

To these modern ideas of timeout, or sitting in the corner, I say, "Bologna! Give me a spanking! I want to go play!"

I just think spanking is really healthy for children. It is a measured deliverance of a non-damaging act of mild pain that makes the child feel the seriousness of what he's done. It is not beating. It is not abuse. There is a clear difference. The very word "spank" exists because there is such a thing as a loving way to whop a child on his behind or his chunky thigh.